


A Jaffa Crushed My Homework

by ewonder2001



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2019-02-02 05:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12720771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewonder2001/pseuds/ewonder2001
Summary: A Jaffa crushed my homework!





	A Jaffa Crushed My Homework

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson."

Teal'c's apology was a day late and a dollar short. Make that a billion dollars, because that's what it was likely to cost the SGC.

"Daniel, ya shouldn't go round leaving disks on chairs," pointed out Colonel O'Neill, his voice so patient and reasonable that Daniel wanted to kick him.

"Well of course," he replied, eyebrows dancing with sarcasm thicker than Teal'c's legs. "Because that's what the chairs in my office are for. Sitting on."

Daniel punctuated each word with a vicious stab at the crowded surfaces all around them. Books and papers were piled high on desk and chairs, as well as haphazardly around the floor in a pattern designed to foil all but the most perseverant of book-stealing colleagues.

"Daniel has a point, sir," said Sam, safely outside the office door, just her perky grin and a tuft of hair visible in the corner of Daniel's eye.

"Maybe," said Jack, poking dubiously at one of the floor piles with a highly polished boot.

They watched the books and papers crash and burn. 

"That's one each, big guy," said Jack, offering Teal'c a high five.

Gin. Daniel needed a gin. To hell with ice and glasses; a big bottle and a quiet corner would do.

"Colonel, Major Davis is waiting in the briefing room," Sam reminded them.

"Oh fuck," said Jack, all spit, polish and gloom. "Why does the Pentagon have to send Major Tightass here the minute the general goes on leave?"

"You are 2IC," said Sam, primly, though Daniel could hear the laughter in the slight tremor of her voice. "That doesn't mean you just get security clearance to the women's locker room. There's little things like wowing the funders so that we get our budget increase, representing the best of the SGC to the Pentagon, and - er - stuff."

"What - I put on my dress blues for this, what more d'ya want?"

"An audio-visual presentation would be nice," said Daniel, trying not to whip out Jack's sidearm and pistol whip a certain, indifferent-looking Jaffa. "Now that my disk with the powerpoint presentation and speech notes has been crushed by what has to be one of the hardest, most taut asses I've ever seen. Shit. I didn't just say that. Ignore that. It's the stress."

"Sure it is, Daniel," said Jack, but in an absent way, his eyes trained on the disk-crushing butt in question. 

"Jean-Claude Van Damme does it with walnuts," Sam offered, less than helpfully. Teal'c demolishes computer disks. It's a tough-guy ass thing."

"A tough-guy **ass** thing?" repeated Daniel, incredulous. "Well, let's just tell that to Major Davis. I'm sure it will get us the money. No, Major, we don't have a strongly argued position for why we need another billion dollars of the taxpayers' money. But if you want to be one of the guys in this man's airforce, just crush this disk between your cheeks and you're one of our gang. That'll do the trick."

Jack grinned and elbowed Teal'c, who might as well have been made of stone for all the impact it had. "Hey, T, wanna bet Davis' ass just sucks it up like a hoover? The man's so anal, he'd take it all, disk, books, chair, the lot. Whoosh. Gone."

There were days when Daniel believed that the stargate was doing something to their brains, killing braincells the same as shots of whiskey, making his team measurably dumber each time they stepped through it. 

"You can't say 'this man's airforce', Daniel," said Sam, straightening her dress uniform with a nervous tug. "It's gender-biased. Besides which, you're a civilian. So you can't say **this** man's airforce either."

She faltered as Daniel's glare transferred from Jack and Teal'c to her.

"Um, we should go now," she said.

"What are we going to do about a presentation?" asked Daniel.

Gin wasn't going to be enough. He needed whiskey. Now.

"Just wing it, Daniel," said Jack, "you're good at that kinda thing."

Daniel had a very sarcastic and devastating response on the tip of his tongue, but lost it the minute Jack threw a heavy arm around his shoulders and steered him out of the office. He tried to ignore the fact that Jack seemed to be reaching down into the pocket of his white silk shirt with busy fingers.

"Tie's a little crooked there, Daniel."

The fingers tweaked his left nipple. Hard.

Ohmigod. Pentagon brass ahead and suit pants tented below. Just what he didn't need.

"Jack, get your hand the fuck out of my shirt," whispered Daniel, loud enough for Teal'c to hear. The Jaffa betrayed them with the slight shaking of his shoulders that passed for him as raucous mirth.

"O'Neill is straightening your tie, Daniel Jackson."

Jacks' finger and thumb were pinching his nipple, squeezing and relaxing in time with the throbbing between Daniel's legs.

"Relax, Daniel. I just want Major Davis to get some of that Jackson passion that wows the natives and always wins us what we want."

"That kind of passion comes from the mind and heart, Jack, not the balls."

O'Neill stiffened beside him, his free hand burrowing under his dress blues as if he needed to adjust himself.

"Crap, Daniel, d'ya have to say 'balls' like that, all low and growly in the back of your throat?"

Daniel grinned, wanting to spread the pain around. "Why not, Jack? That's where I'd like your balls. In my throat. I'd suck them in deep and make you feel like I was crushing them in velvet, massaging your come right out of them with my filthy mouth."

O'Neill came to a dead stop. 

"Fuck," he said. A single drop of sweat fell from his forehead onto Daniel's shoulder, seeping into black Armani and staining it for all time.

"I want to take you right now, Daniel. Frogmarch you into that utility closet, tear your pants down round your ankles, and punch my cock into you so hard you think it's a bullet."

"Shit," said Daniel, now equally hard and trying to breathe through the unaccustomed constriction of a tie. Yes, that was why he couldn't breathe. He was just unused to strangling himself with cotton. "Fuck."

"Would you guys can the locker room language and get it together?"

Sam had turned around and was trying to face them down, every inch a major with a bunch of raw recruits. That is, if majors checked out their recruits for wet spots on the front of their pants.

"I'm not leaking am I?" gasped Daniel, following her stare, and then wanted the earth to swallow him as Jack doubled up with laughter beside him.

"Colonel," expostulated Sam, grabbing Jack by his right hand and towing him towards the briefing room. Daniel had little choice but to follow, since Jack showed no sign of letting go the possessive arm still around his shoulders. Teal'c brought up the rear, and Daniel was thankful for the mercy of not being able to see his hot, dark eyes, charged with sex in reaction to the unsubtle physical play between himself and Jack. Even so, he could feel those eyes on his ass so strong it might as well have been his hands.

They reached the briefing room at last, both men accepting folders from Sam and holding them in front of their groins to hide any telltale erections from Major Davis. The major was waiting patiently for them at the head of the table. He looked as dapper and polite as always, hair neatly combed and face just that little bit airbrushed, as though the Pentagon made its majors larger and prettier than life.

The officers exchanged snappy salutes before shaking hands, and Daniel grimaced as Jack used the fingers he'd been adjusting himself with to wring the major's hand. 

Oh fuck. Did Major Davis just surreptitiously sniff his fingers, after shaking hands with Jack? Daniel put his folder on the table and slid into a chair, his bulging cock safely hidden from sight, and tried not to watch as the major - sucked - one of his fingertips. Ever so briefly. He almost wouldn't have noticed. The strangest smile flickered across Davis' face and was gone in an instant.

Daniel knew that smile. The Mona Lisa had it. Colonel O'Neill was wearing it right now. It was the smile of someone who thought they knew something you didn't. Or who wanted to fuck.

"Dr Jackson, I understand that you have a presentation to make on budget matters and the SGC funding proposals."

"Yes."

Shit. Just like in his oral exam, everything flew out of his head when he thought about the cock of the man sitting across the table from him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He wasn't a teenager any more, ruled by his dick. Come to think of it, he hadn't been one, even when he was. It was Jack who did this to him, dirty grin on his face and a casual hand groping himself, blazing a trail from his brain to his balls and back again.

Daniel had an epiphany, as big as the one tenting his pants. It wasn't the stargate making them dumber at all. It was Jack's cock, leeching the brains out of them with every orgasm, pulling the grey matter from between their ears and exploding it out of their mouths with every scream of pleasure.

Daniel shuddered at the image. His brain was leaking out of his cock. He was sure of it. Sam tried to catch his eyes from where she was sitting next to the colonel, but all Daniel could think about was Jack doing him in the shower that morning. He'd lubed himself up with rosemary-scented gel, stroking his cock till it was coated in froth an inch thick, and then ramming it into Daniel so hard he'd whacked his head on the shower wall. For a minute, he'd seen stars. And when the pain in his head cleared, he'd seen them still. Jack fucked him till he was nothing but a dribble of pleasure on the wet tiles, and his weary, hyper brain could rest at last.

Fuck. They were toast. Major Davis wasn't going to give them more money, he was going to pull the plug on the whole sorry, fornicating bunch of them.

"Um," he said.

"Why don't you stand up to deliver your presentation, Doctor?" asked Davis, smiling at him pleasantly. Daniel thought he must be imagining the glint in that smile, the hint of teeth, as though Davis had just told him to stand up, 'the better to see you with, my dear'.

Retrieving his file and wondering how long he could hold it in front of his pants without looking suspicious, Daniel stood up and walked over to the screen where his powerpoint presentation should have been flashing away, brainwashing Major Davis to cough up more money. If Teal'c hadn't crushed it with his ass of death. Shit. Daniel's hyperactive brain assaulted him with a cascade of word associations that made his cock even harder in his pants.

Teal'c's ass. Daniel's tongue. Licking and sweeping across those firm cheeks, tasting their salt, the light tang of sweat and soap. Burrowing as deep as he could. Forcing his face into Teal'c's ass, the muscular cheeks fighting him every inch of the way. Trying to make his tongue rigid, hard enough to push its way inside. Tasting Teal'c more intimately than a lover's kiss.

Last night. It had happened, just last night.

"What do you have for us, Dr Jackson?" purred a voice from the table.

Oh yes. There was definite toothiness in Major Davis. A Pentagon wolf among the SGC - well - wolves. 

"Um, I."

Daniel straightened his tie. He wanted to reach down and undo his pants, ease the torture on his cock, but settled for trying to breathe instead.

"Daniel wants to suck your cock."

The words electrified him, turning him a bright, angry red.

"Fuck," said Jack.

All eyes were on Sam, who had gone pale with shock, as if she couldn't believe she'd just said what she had. 

"Sir," she said, earnestly, "I think they're putting something in the water. Kind of like saltpetre, the way they used to. But not. Er, rather the reverse of saltpetre. Actually."

"For crying out loud, Carter, who'd be dumb enough to order something like viagra put in the coffee? Shit."

"Who indeed?" asked Teal'c, rolling his eyes. "Daniel Jackson, is it nine cups or ten you drink a day?"

"I'm up to seven," said Sam, her hands shaking.

Daniel was trying not to look at Major Davis during this sorry exchange. That must be why he'd missed the quiet, gliding motion that had brought Davis soundlessly from his chair to stand at Daniel's side, so close he was practically his second suit.

"So, Dr Jackson, you want to suck my cock?"

"What if he does?" demanded Jack, his voice low and throaty in Daniel's ear, suddenly there and draped over him even closer than Davis.

"Sam wants you to eat her out," said Daniel, hastily.

There was a loud groan from out of sight, Daniel's vision now dominated by two sets of dress blues, generating enough testosterone between them to fuel an army. Jack was to his right, hands reaching around to fondle his ass, possessively, reminding Daniel of where he'd been that morning. Davis was on his left, mouth almost on Daniel's, the sweet smells of mint and man filling Daniels' head with cottonwool and removing the power of thought.

Daniel wanted. Daniel needed.

"It was just a laugh," he heard Sam saying from somewhere far away. "We were out for a drink. You know. Talking about men we'd like to do if the whole crazy Don't Ask, Don't Tell homophobe military went down the toilet where it belongs. In a manner of speaking. Sirs."

Jack's hand was fiddling with Daniel's belt, snapping it open, undoing his buttons one by one. The back of that firm, familiar hand brushed his straining cock through Armani pants. Once. Twice. Daniel gulped for breath, Davis' sweat a heady, rich smell, like Teal'c after a day in the sun, his body hot and ready for Daniel to worship with his tongue.

He tugged a breath into his lungs. Another. It was easier when Davis unknotted his tie, opening Daniel's shirt with quick, clever fingers. Brushing his nipples the way Jack was swatting his cock, casual, almost indifferent if it weren't for the slight shake that betrayed need. Hunger.

Daniel moaned and Davis swallowed it whole. Their mouths were jammed together and he was being eaten alive at both ends. Jack had his cock out and was - ohmigod - sucking him right there and then in the briefing room, in front of the whole world. Daniel tried to scream but he was plugged with tongue, Davis' lips sealing his cries up tight. They breathed for each other, less and less oxygen each time, chests rising and falling in synch with their strain for air and the racing of their hearts.

The hot, frenzied pressure was gone from his cock, seconds before Daniel thought he'd black out from lack of air. Jack climbed his body with his hands, stroking roughly, till his lips were nibbling Daniel's ear. 

"Get down on your knees, Daniel, and suck his cock."

The order was delivered in the hard, clipped tone Jack used when he played the colonel in the bedroom. Daniel obeyed instantly, which he never did out in the field, and dropped heavily to his knees. Jack went down with him, still nuzzling the sensitive skin of ear and throat, going in blind to help Daniel unfasten Davis' pants by feel as if he'd done this op a million times. Their fingers were entwined for a moment, Jack giving him a gentle squeeze, before they managed to unhook enough buttons to expose pristine white briefs now smeared with the evidence of Paul's excitement.

Daniel tasted Paul through his briefs and sucked on the angry red plum, outlined clearly through the filmy cotton. There was a groan far above, deep and hungry, that Daniel thought might be Davis. Or Teal'c.

"You will eat out Major Carter," boomed a loud voice.

Now that was definitely Teal'c. 

Davis fell slowly backwards onto the floor, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, eased down by the huge hands grasping his shoulders. Daniel went with him, forward and over, unwilling to relinquish his prize. He could see the barrel of Teal'c's chest above him as he pushed Davis down, and felt Jack behind him, tugging his pants down over his ass, exposing his skin to the slight chill of the briefing room. He butted his head against Teal'c's chest, enjoying the feel of rock-hard muscles against his hair, while his fingers burrowed further in Paul's pants and released his cock at last.

It was slim and elegant, rather like the man himself, standing up proud but with a slightly bitter taste, like the bite of a really expensive whiskey. Daniel could hear that so-controlled Mayflower voice down on the floor, rougher now, pleading with Sam to get down there with him so he could make her happy. Teal'c pushed solidly against Daniel's head with his chest, his massive arms snaking out to hold Daniel in place, while Jack's cold, slick fingers breached his ass hard and fast.

Daniel's yelp must have felt good to the cock in his mouth. Paul groaned, muffled by Sam's flesh covering his own busy tongue, and Daniel could feel him undulating like a happy snake. Not good. Daniel tried not to think about the infant Goa'uld somewhere behind him, hiding behind the hard muscles that were holding him still for O'Neill.

"Oh, Daniel, fuck."

Jack suited action to words, plugging his cock in Daniel's ass with short, hard jabs. Daniel released a string of curses, encouraging Jack by pushing back against him, hard, and battering his head into Paul's gut like a ram. He took Paul's cock deep in his throat and tried to curl his tongue round the head, the whole stiff pole vibrating to the rhythm of Jack's pounding in his ass.

"Fuck! Teal'c!" screamed Jack.

That was when Daniel registered that the arms imprisoning him were gone. Jack's next thrust inside him was delivered with the force of some 180 pounds of colonel and 220 pounds of Jaffa. He gurgled around Paul's cock, gagging as the violent motion almost choked him, the sudden constriction like a pump that pulled shot after shot of Paul's come down Daniel's throat.

He drank Paul like a man dying of thirst, desperate to taste him, even as the combined weight of Jack and Teal'c on Daniel's prostate almost melted his brain with molten heat. It was like an electric shock, each time Teal'c thrust into Jack, forcing him ever deeper inside Daniel, mashing his prostate with 100 volts. 200 volts. 300 volts.

Daniel screamed.

Jack had never been so far inside him. Daniel felt like Teal'c was fucking both of them, and it settled on his heart like a blanket, warming him in counterpoint to each shock of Jack sawing back and forth across his prostate.

As if sensing his mood through Jack's skin, Teal's long, strong arms stretched to encompass both of them, meeting at Daniel's nipples and twisting them gently with his thick, blunt fingers. Daniel felt himself lifted off Paul by Teal'c's incredible strength, jammed so tight against Jack that he thought he might bear the imprint of Jack on his body for the rest of his life. Teal'c sandwiched them together, all three, and Daniel turned his head as far as he could, groping mindlessly for Jack's lips. He knew when they connected that Jack was licking Paul's come from his mouth. The thought of it, of the hot major splayed beneath them for his pleasure, while his two closer-than brothers fucked him and each other, pulsed in his cock like the high of a rock concert on acid. 

The high pitched cry of Sam's climax made it complete. He could hear her screaming, and Paul's desperate moans beneath him, seeing nothing but Jack as he looked into his lover's eyes and kissed him desperately. Teal'c's arms held them suspended as if in midair, Jack stirring Daniel's ass with deep, gentle thrusts, unable to pull back far because of the man mountain behind him. Daniel could see Teal'c over Jack's shoulder, head thrown back in pleasure, a Jaffa battle cry soundless on his wide, grinning lips as he fucked Jack raw. Their knees slid a little further across the floor with each thrust of Teal'c's hips, and Daniel knew that it must be murder on Jack, nothing to cushion him as they knelt on the floor and fucked like animals.

Strangely, it was Jack's knees that did it for Daniel. He felt a surge of hot, protective love for the man at his back, and his cock emptied itself into the air, throbbing mindlessly without anyone touching it. He sprayed Paul with his thick cream, breaking Jack's kiss to bow his head and watch himself criss-cross the major's tanned, splayed limbs. He could see Sam now, writhing on Davis' face, filling his world with her hot, dripping need. 

Jack was still fucking Daniel, making him come, his cock spasming long after he thought his balls must be drained and empty.

"Yeah. Come for me, Daniel. Oh, Christ, Teal'c. Do that again."

"As you wish, O'Neill," gritted Teal'c.

He hammered them both into the floor with the power of his body, fucking Jack so hard and fast that Daniel felt it like a series of rabbit punches in his gut. He collapsed on Paul's legs, sure he was giving and getting bruises. And yet, being crushed by Jack and Teal'c was the safest, most secure he'd ever felt. It was crazy but Daniel didn't question it, just went with the heat and the pressure and the weight. He was coming again, rubbed against Paul's firm, silky legs by the force of Teal'c's fucking, a dusting of hairs tickling his cock like a thousand little tongues.

When Jack and Teal'c finally stopped moving, they both wound their arms around him, Tealc's around them both. They were panting, shuddering still, as if they'd outrun an army of Jaffa. Jack's cock was softening inside him but Daniel wouldn't give it up till the very last minute, content to stay sprawled on top of a helplessly squirming Pentagon major. Paul's inexhaustible tongue seemed to be giving Sam her second or third orgasm of the day, by the way she was shouting.

Go, Sam, he chanted in his mind, enjoying the warmth of Teal'c's skin and the slow, lazy kisses that Jack was planting on him, one after another.

"Not bad, Dr Jackson," murmured Jack, tracing his swollen lips with his tongue. "Not bad at all."

They were disturbed like flotsam on the tide when Sam rolled off the major. He jerked under Daniel and sat up, his face glistening wet and his eyes smoky with satisfaction.

Daniel grinned at Paul and licked his lips, slow, deliberate, still able to taste a hint of Paul's come under the fresh taste of Jack's mouth. 

Davis' eyes widened a little and he returned Daniel's smile. His eyes were wordless promises of penthouse luxury and high class wooing, with a smattering of cheap, dirty sex; the slap of flesh on flesh over the fizz of champagne. 

Tonight, he seemed to say. I'll take you back to my hotel suite and fuck you raw on the government's tab.

"So," said Sam, struggling back into her uniform while the others lay in a lazy afterglow. Her face was red, whether from sex or embarrassment, Daniel couldn't tell.

"About the budget increase."

She faltered under Paul's knowing smile.

"Um."

"Yeah," leered Jack, "were you satisfied with our - presentation?"

"That was hardly worth a billion dollars," said Paul, thumping his cock lightly against Daniel's thigh. "But, then, I'm here all week. You've got seven days to convince me."

"Seven days, huh?" said Jack, his cock still half-hard in Daniel's ass. "That's a fuck of a lot of coffee."

Daniel felt a blow like a hammer on his ass, and decided that Teal'c had just thrust into Jack again. Hard.

"I can go again," said Teal'c. "And as many times as necessary to convince the Tau'ri of the depth of our need."

Jack shuddered as Teal'c spoke of depth. "For crying out loud, ease up a bit there, Teal'c."

"But for now," said Paul, yawning and stretching in a showy fashion, "I want to watch Daniel fuck Teal'c."

He winked at Daniel, who grinned and tried to work out by feel where Jack was hiding the lube. 

Teal'c looked alarmed. "It is not the custom on Chulak."

"Bitchin," said Jack.

Sam said nothing and poured them all a cup of coffee.


End file.
